I won’t bury the lede. I hate Lebron James. What has inspired this blog is just a recent episode in an all too successful TV show that has been on in front of me for the majority of my life. I cannot stand him. The thesaurus isn’t expansive enough for me to write this without being at least a tad repetitive. I loathe him. I don’t want to make outlandish statements (I'm aware I'm about to make a few outlandish and probably offensive ones), but I hate him basically as much as anyone I know of. Yes, this includes the likes of Osama Bin Laden and Benito Mussolini. I dislike him as much as I dislike Nazis, terrorists, and the KKK. I am not self unaware. I know this is insane, but at least I am admitting it. This isn’t to say that I hate Nazis any less than the next guy. It’s just a way for you to gauge how passionate my hatred is for Lebron.
I know a lot of people hate Lebron James, and I know a lot of people started to hate him when he made the announcement that he was "taking his talents to South Beach." I am not here to talk about that, because I genuinely believe I have enough within me to write an alternative “The Series of Unfortunate Events” book series, all centered around my life’s equivalent of Count Olaf. I have the proof to show that I had at least a healthy base of Lebron James hate from the time I was nine or ten years old. For Christmas, I gifted my older brother this magnificent piece of artwork below. In my generation, there was no Photoshop to make someone look dumb. It was all arts and crafts, baby. Despite my lack of artistic ability, I persevered and gave my brother what I think is a concerning foreshadow of what my life was to become, but also a pretty damn good gift.
Now that I have given myself some ethos by showing how deep in history the roots of my hate are buried, I hope to unveil at least part of my argument. Like I said, there is too much to cover in just one blog, so I won’t touch everything, but I promise this will not be the last time he appears on my website. I also want to preface the remainder of this piece by saying that it may at times get incoherent and disorganized. It’s hard to write eloquent sentences and paragraphs about the person you despise the most in this world.
I'll try to cover just the last week in Lebron. One thing basic Lebron haters turn to when they criticize him is his flopping, and rightfully so. His flop against the Warriors reignited that flame.
The way he always purposely winces is hilarious. He once claimed he didn’t know how to flop, yet continually does it. There are literally ten minute YouTube videos dedicated to clips of him doing exactly that. The sports anchors or announcers always point this out with the same dumb joke, “Lebron James deserves an Oscar for that one.” I despise when they say that. Again, partially because I am mentally unstable when it comes to this subject, but more because it insinuates he is a good flopper. He’s terrible! It’s embarrassing. It’s as if he thinks we can’t see it in slow motion 45 times immediately after. Also, I don’t mean “basic Lebron haters” in a derogatory way, it’s just people who hate him in a more sane way than I do. The point is, for a veteran like me, I know that it’s not the flop from Lebron that is going to get my blood boiling. I am pretty much desensitized to the on court antics by now. It’s whatever out of touch, cringe worthy thing he is going to say after the fact. Of course, when asked about the incident, he delivered---
I mean, the guy is laugh out loud funny. The guy who flopped in front of hundreds of thousands of people on national television because Draymond Green ran into him is now claiming he’s a tough guy. Which he is not. This part of the argument is not up for debate. Elsewhere, I have been presented with reasonable rebuttals to my fury, but here I will not accept a differing opinion. There are no reasonable ones. And what makes him think he can dub himself a football player, because he gets sideline passes to Ohio State games and performs choreographed dances midgame to make himself the center of attention? Or is it because he played flag football against Kevin Durant? Maybe it’s because he played high school football? I did too, Lebron. Next time a dude bumps me at the bar I can’t wait to tell him I’m a football player.
In that game where the incident occurred, the Cavs lost to the Warriors by 30. They have been playing awful in the new year. They are just 5-6 in 11 games, but still sit atop the Eastern conference standings. Granted, these slumps happen to all good teams. But this is when Lebron digs deep and shows us who he really is. He knows that he can’t beat the Warriors in a seven game series. So he starts sub- tweeting and throwing his teammates under the bus to the press, all to get the pot stirring on the “Lebron doesn’t have enough help” narrative. To give you another example, when he first came back to Cleveland, he said that the Cavs were not “championship ready”. He of course said that because he knew they were going to be very talented and good and would exceed those expectations he set for them. He does things like this every year.
Instead of privately talking to the front office (the front office that just bent it’s back over to get Kyle Korver, one of the best three point shooters of all time) and to his teammates, he has been all over the news saying his team is “top heavy” and that they won’t be able to win a championship with this roster. You know, the same roster, if not a tad better, than the one they had last year. As always, when the chips are down it’s them, them, them! When things are going well, it’s Me, Me, Me!
After the most recent loss to the lowly Pelicans without their star Anthony Davis, he said, “We need a playmaker, man.” Hmm. His all star point guard played pretty well.
Oh, and Kevin Love also had 26 points, 16 rebounds, and 6 assists.
Sigh. He wasn’t done there, though. If I had to pick a top 5 of Lebron James quotes to sum up why I hate him, this one may actually make it. He went on to say, “I’ll be 33 in the winter, and I ain’t got time to waste.”
Lebron’s birthday is December 30th. I know this because mine is the 29th and I hate that we’re even that close to each other in something that insignificant. So, when he says he turns 33 in the winter, what does that even mean? If his birthday was in March and he said I turn 33 in the spring, or even if he said I am 32, and I don’t have time to waste, it would make sense. But because he’s an imebecile, that’s how he phrased it. And that’s what he is- a nonsensical, disingenuous, immature imbecile.
I have a theory that the majority of Lebron’s teammates don’t like him all that much and that they think he’s a bit of a loser. He makes them better on the court though, and I won’t deny that, so they refrain from criticizing him. I think he may be the worst pregame speech giver of all time, too. Pay attention next time- no one is even remotely excited or interested in what he has to say.
I’ll cut myself off for now. But I promise, I’ll be back. The day Lebron James retires will be a sad day because nothing makes me feel more alive than hating this man. And I won’t ever be convinced otherwise. If you disagree with anything I said, we can fist fight. Or have a cordial debate after you comment below. It depends what mood I am in.
Also, please do not say to me “But you have to respect his game dude!” You won’t ever find me saying that Lebron isn’t an unbelievable basketball player. He’ll go down as one of the top 2 players of all time. I call things as I see them. You can be a loser whilst being good at sports.
I hate Lebron.
What just happened? I blacked out.